Today has been bar none one of the worst days of my life. Over the last two weeks I have sent out my manuscript and been waiting to hear from the publishing companies. In the meantime the agent rejection letters keep coming 2-3 every few days. Most are form "Dear Author" emails. Some are personalized and say something like this: While your writing is entertaining and nice, I think I would have a hard time selling your book. Basically, while you have some great accomplishments, you're nobody. Call us when you're famous.
I got through those thinking number one that they are right. They only make money by selling my book to a big publishing house and I am nobody special. But that's what is so awesome about my book. I am nobody special. If I can turn from a life of quitting and couch potato-ness to a finishing marathon machine, well anyone can. But still I get their point, but it hurts anyway.
Secondly, I kept the little fire of hope burning that the Liv Blumer agent would get back to me and tell me they loved the first 50 pages and wanted the rest. I did research on the agency and they are one of the good ones. They only take a very ecclectic list of projects. I just needed one yes through the nos right?
Well today I got the Self Addressed Stamped Envelope that I included with the first 50 pages. My heart sank though the concrete to the center of the earth. Inside the envelope was a little notecard saying "Dear Sir or Madame" Really? Not even a personalized no? After I spent $5 to Priority mail those pages. Had they even read them?
I called my husband to get a phone hug.
"I'm super sad, I need some love."
"Probably not as much as me" he replied.
"What you lose your job or something?" I joked.
My stomach joined my heart under the concrete.
Part of my book is pushing on when your get that figurative thud of your life hitting bottom. It's time to test that again it seems. I sure hope the Lord knows what he's doing. I know he'll look out for us. We will survive. We will persevere. This could be an opportunity. Maybe he will get a better job. Maybe I will put the book on Kindle myself. Either way I know we'll make it. Doesn't mean I can't take a day to wallow though